Signs

I felt the Lord tugging at my heart and asking me to feel more free to share a bit of my testimony as we get closer to our adoption.

I remember sitting in my social studies class at the age of 12 and hearing the teacher talk about China and how full their orphanages were. At that moment, I knew that I either wanted to teach in orphanages when I grew up, or I wanted to adopt at least a dozen orphans of my own.

Those thoughts contined with me through adolescence, and when God pointed me in very specific directions in college, He confirmed that I was to be a teacher. However, His call and direction kept me in the United States. One of my best friends recently reminded me, though, that when we would all sit around and talk about what our families might one day be, my answer was always, "I'm going to adopt a little girl named Lily from an orphanage in China."

Interestingly enough, in an effort to fulfill that childhood desire to serve at an orphanage, I did eventually get to go on a mission trip to an orphanage in the Ukraine. And that was when I started realizing that my call was more region-specific. For as much as I enjoyed the trip and felt that I was doing good work, I left feeling a little empty....like I hadn't quite gotten it right. When I envisioned myself serving orphans, I still thought of that little girl with the dark pigtails.

I met R when I was 25, and on our second date he looked me right in the eyes and said, "So how do you feel about adoption? It's something that I've always felt God wanted me to do." Praise God for the ways that He brings two people together and gives them a vision for their future. In 2007 we married, and on September 20, 2010, we sent in our first application. For those of you who are counting, that is a little over 18 months ago. What a journey it has been! There have been so many delays and mistakes that were beyond our control, that our social worker finally said, "God must have some kind of huge plan for you guys because this is just ridiculous."

And that's where we are now. Somewhere in the middle of the journey, hopefully closer to the end than the beginning. Learning that when God calls, there might be some things He needs you to learn before He fulfills that calling. Learning that it can take years to fulfill a calling. And learning that faith is more about following Him during the "middle" times - those times when you're hoping that you got the call right and you are waiting for Him to see you through to the fulfillment.

Adding to Our Faith

The second batch of paperwork has been submitted!! In case you are curious, it was 70 pages. (Yes, I counted!) Next step: 3 interviews with our social worker. We are making progress!

When reading this passage last week, something about it struck me differently than ever before:

2 Peter 1:4-10
Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Let me re-write that in my own words:

God gave us the His Word, so that we can live in His Spirit. His Spirit allows us to escape the evil in the world. Since He filled us with His Spirit, we can add these things to our faith....with some work, of course...goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, affection, and love.

The verse is in a different point of view than I had originally thought. And it's a command. (You) make every effort to add to your faith. Really? I can do that? Faith is the gift, then we are responsible for cultivating the other qualities to add to it. I had always read these verses in the same context as the Fruit of the Spirit verses.

"And the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." These are the gifts that the Spirit cultivates in us.

Perhaps the Fruit are just the seeds planted in our hearts.

From One Teacher to Another

Pre-teen boys.

Just those words alone bring heinous thoughts of funky smells, awkward limbs, and acne issues. As much as they have going for them, this should not be the time in their lives to experiment with contact lenses. Glasses are better. Period.

Apparently, my kindergarten teacher personality has allowed me to be unofficially elected as the official optometrist office contact lens teacher. I have gone from teaching music to sweet children who bring me flowers and treasures, to convincing pre-teen boys and old men that it is indeed okay to touch their eyeballs.

If only I had a coin for every male who said, "You mean I'm supposed to touch my eye? I can't do that....it's.....it's....just so DISGUSTING." (Insert gagging noises here.)

Is there really a nice way to say, "WHERE DO YOU THINK CONTACT LENSES ARE SUPPOSED TO GO?" I'm still working on my delivery....

We had one particular kid a few weeks back who cried, pushed me away, and kept screaming, "It hurts!!" anytime I came within two feet of him. He was 12, I actually never even got close enough to touch his eye, and this lasted for 45 minutes....cutting short my cherished lunch hour. The fact that they didn't have to take me directly to the looney bin is remarkable.

As I stewed over his behavior during my (short) lunch, these words came to mind:

"How often do you treat Me the same way?"

Well that's just a little harsh, don't you think, Lord? This kid was nothing like me - he was whiny and moaned and groaned and shoved me away, and all I was trying to do was something nice for him.

Oh.

God's Faithfulness

Last night we finally made the decision for me to take the new job. I got into the car this morning and the first words I hear coming from the speakers are:

"Sometimes in life, God asks us to make a change....and that can be really scary. It's okay to be scared. God is in control and He knows that this is what's best for you. It's time for something new."

Our God loves us and pursues us by any means necessary. (He knows I often ask for a burning bush...the radio is probably a safer choice.)

If He's asking you to make a change, go for it! The same One who created the world, holds you gently in the palm of His hand.

An Ornithological Rant

My car has apparently become a magnet for birds with gastrointestinal problems. Now, I know you're probably saying, "Surely you're being a little over-dramatic."

First of all, the five of you that read this blog know that I would NEVER be over-dramatic.

Sure.

Secondly, if you came home from Easter vacation to find that your car had apparently served as a rest stop for not just one bird with food poisoning, but an entire FLOCK of birds, you too would feel utter humiliation as you drove to work Tuesday morning and parked your "used-to-be-white" car in the school parking lot.

Perhaps it wasn't a flock of birds at all. Perhaps a neighbor thought it would be funny to wipe my car down with a few hundred Smores.

(You'll never look at them the same, right?)

Anyway, now that I have that off my chest, I'll get down to a spiritual application. Because I believe that God can give us a spiritual lesson through any experience. So here goes.....

(Elevator music playing)

I'm gonna need more time.....

Back from the Wilderness

Well, as you can see, it's been exactly 2 years ago that I wrote my last blog post. The last two years have been a walk through the wilderness for me. So dark, at times, that I haven't been able to write devotionals.
My wilderness started as doubts and fear crept into my spiritual life. Add in seven months of fertility meds with handfulls of hair coming out everyday, nightmares and hotflashes every night, cramping and swelling, and an optical migraine where the walls started cracking and sliding down, and I can honestly say I've been in the pit (as Beth Moore would say) for the last 2 years.
But as Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, "There is a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance." And I'm ready to start dancing again. :) We have officially started the process of adopting a precious little baby from China. Just to show you how God works in His omniscience...I have wanted to adopt from China since I was a little girl, and I have had a heart for orphans all this time. Only now am I realizing that the twinges and yearnings I have felt all these years are actually a calling from God. So I am going to continue my devotional posts, but I will sprinkle in updates on the adoption from time to time. Right now, we are buried in paper work with a goal to complete the home study by June. I'll keep you posted....
One of my favorite songwriters is Laura Story. Just shortly after she and her husband were married early in their twenties, they found out he had brain cancer. Her songs epitomize the greatness of an all-powerful God in the face of human frailties. So today I leave you with her latest song Blessings.

Faith

I admit, I've been struggling with my faith. This has just been one of those 'valley times' and of course, God decided to give me a knock upside the head yesterday in my Bible Study.

I admit, as a result of the 'valley time', I have not been doing my Beth Moore homework as I should. But I was determined I would show up for class this week prepared and of course, despite missing two weeks of lessons, the ones that were due this week were on exactly the subject that I've been struggling with - Faith.

I discovered a story that I'm sure I've read before...but never really let it sink in.

Acts 27
(To paraphrase...it's a long chapter)
Paul and the other prisoners are on a ship headed for Italy and they run into a terrible storm. Such a terrible storm that they "let the ship go" with the wild currents, throw cargo overboard, and lash the boat together with ropes...all the way around. (I don't want to think about the poor sailor who dove into the water to get the rope all the way around the boat.)

The storm lasted for over two weeks...no food, no perceivable end to the disaster, no hope.

In the meantime, an angel visits Paul and tells him that everyone on the boat will live through this terror. In Paul's eternal optimism, he tells the sailors to buck up and eat something and everyone will be saved!

But the part left out of the angelic message was that in order to be saved, the ship had to be thrown against the rocks and run aground. Then the sailors would have to jump ship and swim to the shore or be carried along on the broken planks.

The point that really struck me in the Bible study was that "God's deliverance came through the ship running aground." And once the sailors survived the awful weeks of desperation and fear, they were mightily placed in Malta where the islanders showered them with "unusual kindness."

What a great story of hope. No matter the situation - whether we feel overwhelmed, afraid, lonely, or hopeless - we can be assured that God has a place of rest, warmth, and kindness waiting for us. We just have to hold onto those planks and get to the shore!

Trials

First of all, I just have to say I am SO EXCITED because I'm going to see Beth Moore in Atlanta TODAY!! I was very blessed to get tickets to the Deeper Still Conference with Beth Moore, Kay Arthur, Travis Cottrell, and Mandisa. And I am PUMPED!!

Now on to the devotional!

Earlier this week, I published a devotional on the story of Joseph in prison and the way that God blessed him despite his terrible circumstances.

As I was reading over the first chapter of James (see yesterday's explanation...), I read this verse with a newly discovered understanding.

James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

Suddenly I realized that Joseph's story is not unique. Most (I'm hesitant to say 'every'...although I'm having trouble thinking of an exception...) Biblical stories begin with a calling, continue with a time of trial and testing, and end with a blessing.

• Noah was called by God to build an ark in a land where it had NEVER RAINED. He lived in the desert, yet he spent decades being ridiculed by neighbors and friends while he was building it. Can you imagine how discouraging that would be? You know that God has spoken to you, but everyone around you laughs and makes fun of you for believing the impossible. Yet God saves he and his family and gives them a 'brand-new' land. Now that's a blessing!
• Abraham left his country, his family, his people and travelled through Canaan basically his whole life. God promised him in Gen 15: 13 that his "descendants will be strangers in a country not their own, and will be enslaved and mistreated for 400 years." He had a pretty rough time, yet when God called him to sacrifice Isaac, he didn't even hesitate. He simply believed that God was sovereign. When you get to chapter 24:1 it says, "Abraham was now old and well advanced in years, and the Lord had blessed him in EVERY way." What an incredible promise!
• Moses killed a man and was forced to flee his home. He spent years in Midian, then years being called by God to deliver Israel from slavery. Moses wandered with the Israelites for 40 years...and never stepped foot on the land promised by God. Yet again and again, God showed His faithfulness and delivered them from enemies.
• Ruth and Naomi lost their husbands, and for Naomi her children, and were left destitute and without a home or food. The Bible even says that Naomi told her people to call her Mara, "Bitter", because she was bitter with everything that God had done. Yet, the story ends with God blessing Ruth and Naomi with a home once more...and placing Ruth in the genealogy of David...and the genealogy of Jesus. What more of a blessing could she ask for?

These are just a few examples of people who suffered through trials for months, years, even decades in some cases. Yet each and every time, God blessed them and showed them favor, both throughout the situation and in the end.

So as we go through times of suffering in our lives, take heart from those who have gone before us. God is faithful - thousands of years ago and today.